Simultaneity

July 6, 2007

Writing

I've been writing for Dadbloggers for some time now and I enjoy reading some of the articles and comments. It's a nice place to share some thoughts about fatherhood and practice my writing skills. Last month, my article garnered a special response that I wanted to be able to access later so I'm repositing here.

Mama's Moon
Jesse, from Dad Bloggers, wrote about his experiences going forward after discussing punishment with his son. It's a post that really made me stop to think of not only the ways we discipline our kids, but the state of mind we're in when we actually do it. It's wonderful to see that a child as young as four years of age understands the reasons for punishment. But it's even more wonderful to watch a father soak in his child's words and really want to be a better parent because of them.

Posted by Jesse at 4:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 16, 2006

The Figherfighter

On Wednesday Kevin and a friend, James, had a chance to visit one of our local fire departments. Kevin was a little timid at first, but once the fireman gave him a coloring books and crayons, he was much more open to getting in and on the trucks.

While we were there they had endless calls. Each of the trucks - Heavy Rescue, Ladder, and Ambulance - were called out separately so we were able to see alot of action and the hustle of the fireman.

We took pictures on or in many of the trucks and had a great time checking out the gear. I just wish I had a chance to get in the truck!

Posted by Jesse at 11:28 AM | Comments (0)

April 18, 2006

Lunch Date

When I picked up Kevin from school today, we decided to go to PotBelly's for lunch. Teri and Alex were at a doctor's appointment so we took the opportunity to eat at the restaurant. Today was one of the days that they had live music and Kevin enjoyed the extra atmosphere.

It's neat how much little ones notice...or sad how much we miss. The top of the soda fountain had a vent in the shape of a lemon, which prompted "Lemons aren't black, that's silly." And he noticed the potbelly stove on the way out. He thought it was a trashcan so we talked about potbelly stoves for a short time.

For lunch I told Kevin he could get chips and a shake. I picked a ham sandwich with American cheese, next came the choice of chips. Kevin went for the salt and vinegar chips. I warned him that he might not like them and talked about the other choices, encouraging him to get regular chips, which he traded for. Then, while I was giving the toping decision to the sandwich maker, he exchanged them again going back to the salt and vinegar. In the end, he wound up enjoying them - which I guess I shouldn't be surprised by.

We got out to the truck to find that we didn't get a bad ticket for the meter. I always enjoy going out for lunch with Kevin, but for some reason today seemed even more special.

Posted by Jesse at 8:51 PM | Comments (0)

April 5, 2006

Monsters

Kevin and I were reading There's a monster at the end of this book and after had a talk about monsters.

Grover is a monster. Cookie Monster is, obviously, a monster. Based on Grover being a monster, Elmo is a monster.

What of Big Bird? Teri said he's a bird...so Baby Bear is a bear.

Betty Lou is a people.

Bert and Ernie are people...but why?

Zoe is a monster and Ernie is closer in composition to her than to Betty Lou.

Snuffy seems to meet the criteria of a monster, yet he's not, he's a snuffalupagus.

So, my question is, what makes a monster?

Posted by Jesse at 5:02 PM | Comments (0)

March 15, 2006

Spatial Relations & Mistakes

On Monday Kevin and I went out to pick up some groceries and a bite to eat. During the trip, I learned that he's growing up...not that I didn't know, but the trip made it obvious.

On the way out, I offered him a choice: Chucky Cheese for lunch, then grocery shopping or quick lunch, grocery shopping, then some time at the park. I was surprised when he opted for the park over lunch.

We stopped at the new Chick-Fil-A in Laurel and grabbed some nuggets and fries for me...for lunch, he wanted a cup of fruit. We shared the nuggets fries and fruit and then it was time for the play area. He's gotten good at climbing the tubes, but today he didn't want to make the trip down the slide. I tried to entice him into it, but he was scared. He stayed up in the tube for a while pondering the slide and after tossing the keys down the slide a few times (and a request for mommy) he decided the time was right. When he first started down the slide, there was a scream of terror (not from the slide, but like he thought something was going to get him) immediately followed by laughter. I asked if he'd like to go down the slide and he said yes, but another day. So we played in the toddler area for a while, then headed to the store.

On the way out he said he wanted to tell me something. I bent down and he said, "I'm sorry I was afraid to go down the slide, daddy. It wasn't scary it was fun. I made a mistake." I told him that he didn't have to be sorry, but I thought that was a pretty neat thing - realize that you made a mistake and feeling that you need to apologize to someone.

When leaving Chick-Fil-A you have to drive to the other end of the shopping center stop at a light before entering the main road, then drive back to another light that intestects with the bigger road. After all that, as we passed by the Chick-Fil-A, Kevin said, "That's where we just were." Perhaps it doesn't seem like a lot, but after the convoluted way we have to exit the shopping center, I was impressed that he knew where he was that well.

The rest of the trip consisted to some boy time at Best Buy seeing if there was a nice alarm clock for Lizard's room, then shopping, then some fun time at the park. Lots of fun!

Posted by Jesse at 8:21 PM | Comments (0)

February 12, 2006

Fun in the Snow

Today was Kevin's first big snow as a preschooler. He's been out in snow before but this is the first time where he was anticipating play in the snow. It's also the first snow that's been worth playing in since before he was born.

We spent at least an hour building snowmen, throwing snowballs, and cleaning the driveway. In addition to the fun of snowball fights and dumping "car snow" on each other from the car roof, Kevin also wanted to be hit with shovel fills of snow while I was clearing the driveway. The challenge was that he wanted to be knocked down by the impact but I couldn't throw alot or hard and he's a small target, great fun! The temperature was very nice for a snow day, neither of us got very cold until it was almost time to go in.

Once we cleared the driveway Kevin got his gloves wet in the stream running down the street so I gave him mine. Then we watched the water running and pooling along the curb. I wanted to make sure the water was clearing well since part of our yard has a draining issue so I cleared most of our neighbors curb area as well. While I was doing that Kevin announced that his socks were wet. I looked over and he was standing in the lake of water that I was helping to clear. He enjoyed it, but his feet quickly got cold and it was time to go it.

Great fun in the snow!

Posted by Jesse at 11:53 PM | Comments (0)

December 20, 2005

Seeking Mommy's Gift

Last year Kevin and I went Christmas shopping and had a great time. This year, we did so again so we now have the beginnings of a tradition. This is his last "first Christmas." This is his fourth Christmas, but he doesn't really remember much of last year, but much this year will probably stick.

If you're interested in this year's trek and the lesson's learned, you'll find it at DadBloggers.com. It's a fairly new site for dads, by dads, and I've accepted being a regular contributor. I'll link from here for most of them, but won't be cross-posting. (submissions are edited, Kevin's still calling happy meals "Cheese and burger, the one with the toy in it.")

Posted by Jesse at 6:21 PM | Comments (0)

December 12, 2005

Growing up during the TiVolution

Wall Street Journal Online has an article that sums up my thoughts on Kevin's TV habits. He's growing up in a different world, one where TV will not dictate his schedule, and one where mass customization is the rule rather than the exception and I'm very interested to see the differences in his childhood and mine.

Watching a Child Who's Grown Up With TiVo (WSJo)
It's not so much that Joshua's puzzled by the technology, though he does have an endearing habit of calling it "TVV." His confusion is that our house contains a smart TV and a stupid TV.

The stupid TV is downstairs in his parents' bedroom, and he watches it between the rather early hour at which he wakes up and the somewhat later one at which his decrepit father drags himself out of bed. The downstairs TV looks like the upstairs TV, except the shows on it are only on at set times, you can't see old shows whenever you want, and if you have to go to the potty you miss things.

We don't have the problem of having a stupid TV, but there is different programming available in the bedroom vs. the living room. And there has been some confusion when we've been at a hotel and the TV's can't provide what we want to see.

Posted by Jesse at 11:18 AM | Comments (2)

December 9, 2005

The Juggler, Mango, and slipping

After work today, we decided to become a part of the crazed masses that were shopping. All in all, I think the weather kept most people at bay and the crowds were only heavy.

Our first stop was Kohl's. I needed to return something and Teri wanted to look around. We took turns watching Kevin in the toy section as he enjoyed the various toys. In particular, he seemed to like the baby toys, but the encounters were fleeting as he went from one to the next - nothing that would really hold his attention. (Nor should they.)

They were having a pretty good sale on a few thing so we wound up standing in line for a bit. I wish my phone had zoom capability so I could have grabbed a picture, but some people need to be more careful about applying make up to liberally.

After Kohl's we headed to the pet store hoping to find a few things for the puppies. Sadly, we realized that our dogs have reached the age that play is no longer what it used to be. Their toys are no longer quickly destroyed. In fact, they have toys left over from last year...and bones as well. Sadly, we decided to go with some treats and leave it at that.

Kevin enjoyed the time at the pet store watching as Jenny, a golden lab, go through some training. He also checked out the fish, some birds, the guinea pigs, hamsters, and the cats - except they were sleeping. On the way to the check out, we swung by the lizards as well.

While waiting in line, a man came in with his pet parrot. I had Teri hand what she was carrying to me and take Kevin to see the bird. Mango, the parrot, was really loud and talkative, and Kevin found it hilarious. After checking out, I was able to see a bit of the spectacle as well. The parrot repeated his name over and over, would flip under his owners hand, then pop back up and say, "Hey, what are you doing?" We watched for a few more minutes, Kevin petted her, then we bid farewell to Mango.

Target was next. We decided to walk there and that gave Kevin some time to "slip" on the ice, run around a bit and just enjoy being 3. Then on to Best Buy. We parked between there and Sears so Teri could go to Sears while I shopped a bit for her. The travel across the parking lot gave many opportunities for slipping and Kevin and I enjoyed them all.

That ended the shopping, but not the trip. We stopped by the food court to grab some dinner and, evidently, a small show. An elderly gentleman, for no apparent reason other than he could, was doing various juggling acts, the sting and top thing, as well as juggling bouncing balls. Teri had Panda Express; Kevin and I ran across the street and picked up a little cheeseburger from Five Guys.

I'm allergic to rBGH so I tend to stay clear of any beef that's not made at home, but sometimes you just have to bit the bullet and enjoy a good meal. It has been ages since I had a non-fast food burger that wasn't made at home. I wish I could have had a whole hambuger - heck, I wish I could have had a few.

Kevin seemed to appreciate it as well...it was nice and sloppy (ketchup, mustard, A1 sauce, cheese, pickles, lettuce) and came with more fries than anyone should eat and a very large soda. Kevin at about half the burger and more fries than me (and we still had about half a cup left).

A wonderful meal to cap off a wonderful evening. It's nice to have a 3 year old to remind you to slow down and enjoy things like a parrot, a man bouncing a ball, and even slipping on ice. There's way to much enjoyment to have out of life and you miss it all if you hurry to specific times and places where you intend to have planned fun.

Posted by Jesse at 11:57 PM | Comments (0)

December 5, 2005

Road Trip

This evening, after church, Kevin and I went on a road trip to the beach.

The trip started when the three of us went on our post Sunday evening service hunt for food and decided to get wings. It was a bit out of the way, but being tired of the typical "cheese and burger" meals (even when asked what he wanted, Kevin replied "I don't know") or burritos, it seemed like a good alternative. We stopped for gas along the way and when I got back in the car, Crowder and been put in the CD player, but Kevin wanted "practice" songs.

Today was a really long Sunday for me...I was probably on my feet for about 11 hours in my dress shoes (which are in need of replacement). So Teri volunteered to get the wings. While she went inside, I asked Kevin if he would like to come up front and "drive." He really enjoys sitting in the drivers seat pretending to drive, so he jumped at the chance.

I had pulled in, and before getting him out of the car seat, turned the car around so that we were looking into the parking lot rather than a bush - makes for more interesting driving. He climbed forward and began pushing buttons, turning knobs and all the usual that goes with his driving.

Looking to the left, I realized there was no one in the parking lot that led around to the back, no intersections, and being late on Sunday night, likely to be no one coming that way, so I put the car in drive and let the two of us creep back toward the dumpsters and rear of the stores. That's when he decided we were going to the beach.

We arrived at a dead end, which was declared, "The beach." It was dark, no water and a bunch of scraggly trees - just like every beach you've been to. We turned around, which he wasn't to happy about, then drove back to the parking spot. Once there, the moonroof needed o be open since we were driving to the beach.

Then, he climbed into the passenger's side, declared that I was to be the daddy and he would be the mommy. As we pretended to go on to the beach, he turned around and let the kids know we were almost there. I asked how many kids we had and it turned out a trip to the beach must have been needed, we have four.

Letting kids drive, even when you are in the seat isn't the safest thing to do, but being a parent is sometimes about measuring risk vs. reward. The risk to Kevin was near zero, but the memory and enjoyment would be high. As parents, we're charged with keeping our kids safe, but to do so, we also need to build trust and strong a relationship. Sometimes bending on the little things makes it easier to stand firm on the bigger issues.

Posted by Jesse at 1:04 AM | Comments (1)

November 27, 2005

Life with a 3 year old...

Teri and Kevin are enjoying some of the last of the thanksgiving pie and were talking about pumpkin pie being a thanksgiving dish. Kevin disagreed and Teri said it would be weird to have it on another holiday...say Independence day. Kevin argued that it wouldn't.

Finally, Kevin said, "You can make me a pumpkin pie."
So Teri flicked her fingers at him and said, "Wosh, you're a pumpkin pie."

At this point, Kevin lost it and began sobbing, "I don't want to be a pumpkin pie."
Teri made Kevin feel himself to convince him he's not a pumpkin pie....

Now, we're sitting around the table turning each other into and out of pumpkin pie. Why couldn't I be a chocolate pie?

Posted by Jesse at 8:50 PM | Comments (0)

December 21, 2004

Shopping

Kevin and I went shopping while Teri stayed home and had some time to rest this evening. We had dinner, some play time in the playroom at Chick-Fil-A then headed to the mall. When we came out of the book store, Kevin saw the Ben & Jerry Scoop Shop and said "ICE CREAM!" I told him we'd come back and we continued around the mall and returned near the end of our stay. After the snack we went to Wal-Mart and PetSmart then got dinner for Teri and headed home.

We had a great time and quite a few laughs - a father/son outing is something we'll have to make sure we do a few times a year.

Posted by Jesse at 10:24 PM | Comments (0)

November 15, 2004

Family Meals

I just read somewhere that the 27th (of September or October) was set aside as Family Day, a day where families should take the time to have dinner together - what a shame. It's sad that we, as a country, are to a point where someone felt the need to say, "Hey, let's specify a time for family meals."

Growing up, it was an odd thing not to have dinner at home with mom & dad. In fact, as I recall, missing dinner was not something that was easy to request - and I did have to ask. Looking back, I'm glad we had those times, even if some of them were a bit tense.

Occasionally, my job takes me away at dinner times, but when it does I try to be sure I am at home for a different meal. Of course, when I am at a retreat or camp, I can't do that, but I want to make sure that Kevin goes up understanding the importance of family meals. Not just because I want him there or to force the same situation I had, but because it's a great opportunity to share the day, learn from each other and build a sense of family.

Recent studies have shown that teens that eat dinner with their parents at least 5 times a week are less likely to abuse alcohol, drugs and tobacco. Further, family dinners were found to correlate with good grades. Other studies have shown that regular family dinners result in kids that are less likely to have eating disorders as well.

I'm not so sure that this is the meal time itself. To make family dinners happen, parents have to take a pro-active position and lead the family. Their interests need to be on the health of the family unit, not on themselves. I think that is what makes the difference, the results of leadership and caring just happen to include family dinners.

So, what benefits have you notice when you share meals with your family?

Posted by Jesse at 10:12 PM

April 28, 2004

Flightzone Delta...3, 2, 1, Fly

I'm off to Atlanta for a conference on children's ministry. I've spent most of the 90 minute flight reading and I can see mountains below so I think I'll have to make this pretty quick before they have everyone shut down the electronics.

I used the e-ticket check in for Delta, and I think that's the best addition to airline service in a long time. It was a snap checking in and I only had to wait a moment for someone to come by and tag my bag. After check in, we went to the US Airway check in and exchanged our vouchers for tickets (e-tickets, yeah) so that's all taken care of for our San Diego trip.

This flight giving me a bit of joy in the fact that Teri and I have such a well behaved little boy. One seat up and over, there is a toddler/preschooler who simply cannot sit still. They're playing a movie a laptop for him, holding him, and letting him roam the isles. (Side note: Preschoolers should not have isle seats.) It's not that he's being loud or obnoxious, he's just understandably antsy. It isn't bothering me and doesn't seem to be bothering the other passengers, but it does seem to be wearing thin on the parents, and that's what makes me happy to have Kevin.

We're 90 miles out now, so it's time to turn off the electronics.

Posted by Jesse at 10:03 AM

February 5, 2004

Now go do the right thing

While I was running some errands today and was listening to talk radio (as I do most of the time when no one else is in the car) I listened as Dr. Laura addressed some of the issues people were calling with. How some of them can say that they have listened to her for any length of time and still call is beyond me. Her advice is pretty unilateral and unwavering, and most of the time I agree with that advice.

Today, as always, she talked to a few couples who were pondering spending more time working so they could have more money. Of course, the answer was "Is that more important than your marriage/family?"

I realize that having a parent at home is not always easy, that making time to spend with your spouse is hard and that money is something that we all need to survive. But there is a difference between surviving and living.

For years, I managed to spend time with Teri and pull in a decent sum of money, but happiness was fleeting. Chasing the dream of happiness is a worthwhile pursuit, but material things are simply not where it is at. Possions help you survive, relationships help you live.

A few months ago we reached a very hard decision, I would change jobs (costing us 10s of thousands a year) in order to be able to spend more time with my family. We no longer have the ability to spend at will, but I really don't miss it - in fact, near the end it was getting rather old and wasn't at all satisfying. But I'm happy, Teri's happy, and I hear Kevin laugh everyday.

I know that not everyone can work close to home and that I'm blessed with the opportunity that I have. However, far to many people don't take the oppertunity to spend more time with those they love, and they are missing out. So to those out there that are working to provide "more" for your family at the cost of seeing you, I really encourage you to take the next oppertunity to cut back and spend time with family and friends. Find out that life is about relationships, not possessions.

It cost a lot of material things, but it is worth every penny to be home when Kevin wakes up, have lunch with him several days a week, and be home when he goes to bed.

I am my kid's dad.

Posted by Jesse at 11:16 PM

February 4, 2004

It could have been Kevin

I share my name with my grandfather and so my name ends in II, the second. While I am not unhappy with my name, I did not wish to pass it on to Kevin, but if I had, he very well could have been 3.0.

Posted by Jesse at 10:46 PM | Comments (4)

October 13, 2003

Fatherhood

I don't think there is anything better to be in the world than to be a dad.
Teri was at a Pampered Chef meeting this evening and Kevin and I were home for the evening. We didn't do much of anything, but it was just nice to just watch him play, play with him, laugh with him, make his new noise with him and things like that. He laughed like crazy making me make his noise (pulling his finger out of my mouth).
Then, we got him ready for bed and I read three bedtime stories. Gave him his bottle and put him to down to sleep.

He's such a wonderful child. It's great being a dad.

Posted by Jesse at 10:08 PM

March 19, 2003

Putting your family first

I just finished reading a YS article about making sure that you are taking care of your family. I thought about putting it on Kevin's site to help me remain vigilant about making sure that he doesn't turn out to be a "dreaded" PK.

A clip from the article:
"One simple (and inexpensive) thing our family enjoys is going to the local diner for breakfast—even our 13-year-old cheerfully makes the effort and loses a little sleep in order to make it happen! For us it’s one way of saying to our kids, "You are important, you’re worth spending time with, and I want to keep getting to know you." Making this happen is well worth the effort, because as our children get older, it’ll become a tangible way of pursuing relationships with them at a time when they can all too easily grow away from us. "

Posted by Jesse at 3:20 PM

March 4, 2003

Is Good good enough?

A recent article in Relevan Magazine made mention of the phrase "The Good is The Enemy of the Best". In an effort to learn more about this phrase, which I think is a great truism when you think about it, I stumbled across an article that applies the phrase to raising a child.

Posted by Jesse at 2:19 PM

February 14, 2003

Martin, We Need You Now

I just finished reading Martin, We Need You Now at TheOoze and was touched by what the author had to say. I concur that we are living in a world that would be better served by people who thought the way that Dr. King did, in particular meet conflict with the thoughts of Dr. King:

"Love even for our enemies is the key to the solution of the problems of our world. ...Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity. By its very nature, hate destroys and tears down; by its very nature, love creates and builds up. Love transforms with redemptive power."

I'm saddened that I had to bring my son into a world that has so much conflict and fighting. I only hope that I can raise him to have some of the priniples that were written about in this article. And while I pray that he has a long and healty life, my real desire is that he will follow God's will for his life. I want to do my best to show him the example of Paul in Phillipians 1 so that he can face the world and not be afraid because in life or in death there is gain.

Posted by Jesse at 11:28 AM