The Orange Bridge

In an earlier post I gave an overview of how our family does devotions during the advent season. I had hoped to follow up regularly with what we were doing but this season keeps us active and this is the first chance I've had to make an update.
Here they are by dates:

2. Our small group made advent chains. We decorate sips of paper to make a chain. After each devotion one of the boys rips off a link and looks at how many days remain until Christmas - this serves as a great visual reminder of how long until Christmas day.
3. Date with Alex. Each year I take the boys out one at a time for a Daddy date. We use the time to shop for the other child and for mommy and to just hang out.
4. Read scripture and from Advent book
5. Another reading
6. Awana Night - a simple prayer time
7. Family Game Night at Caribou
8. Set up Christmas Tree
9. Small group night - simple prayer
10. Date with Kevin - This was a long one, but fun
11. Kevin led

Last year Kevin led one of the devotions and we all enjoyed it. This year he was up for it again and led well. After starting with prayer he had us create a Lego sculpture that had something to do with Christmas. He and Alex built a number of small ones, which they hung on the tree. I built a sleigh (above) and Teri a snowman. After the creation time he read Bear Stays Up for Christmas and we closed in prayer.

Tomorrow we'll attend a Hand Bell concert.

I'll update again with other things we're doing.
In the meantime, why not share what you are doing or some of your family's favorite traditions?

Somewhere on twitter is a children's pastor who is having fun posting odd ball comments under the alias fakekidmin. Recently he tweeted, "Our senior pastor is finishing up the series "Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wife, Hide Your Husband" this week, don't miss it adults."
 
As we've shared a few laughs about Antoine Dodson's song, I couldn't resist sending this to my wife...

She quickly shot back some topics and verses that would go along with such a thing...here are a few ideas:

• "I was attacked by some idiot in the projects." (Scripture reference: Genesis 4:8)
• "We got yo' t-shirt and yo' fingerprints and all you are so dumb." (part 1 of 2) (Joshua 7)
• "You are really dumb. For real." (part 2 of 2) (References include Psalm 111:10, Proverbs 1:7, 4:7, 9:10, Job 18:3)
• "You don't have to come and confess, you know we lookin' for you, we gon' find you." (James 5:16)
• "Run and tell THAT, homeboy."(Matthew 28:16)
• and let's not forget "Hide yo' kids" (1 Peter 5:8)

I'm not suggesting that anyone pick up the mantle and actually preach this message, instead I think it shows the benefit of always being prepared to share the hope that you have. The Bed Intruder Song went viral earlier this year and next year something else will go viral in the coming months. We'll enjoy these and share them with others...but will you also be prepared to share the hope that you have? Will the next viral video give you the opportunity to share Christ where there previously has not been an opportunity?

Tonight our family kicked off our annual tradition of advent devotions. We've found that our children really look forward to this time - they've been asking when it would start for months. It's a time where we get to celebrate the joys of Christmas, spend some special times together, and learn more about the season.

Each night we do something. It may be as quite as reading from a book or something more adventurous like sledding. My wife and I spend a little time after thanksgiving talking about the things that we want to repeat from last year, the things we want to exclude and looking for a few new activities.

Here's how tonight went:

• I opened with a prayer (each night someone opens and a different person closes in prayer).
• We took an envelope from our devotion chain and discovered tonight's reading.
• Kevin and Alex names some behaviors for Advent devotions:
  • Good Attitudes
  • Good Listening
  • No Crazy People
  • Only 1 stuffed animal per person
  • Take turns
• I read Luke 1:1-4
• Teri read from Just 25 days 'Til Christmas
• We unpacked some Christmas items and did a little decorating in the house
• The boys had a piece of chocolate from their advent pillows
• We closed with prayer and enjoyed Hot fudge Brownie Sundaes.

Tonight's was a little on the long side, but it did start us thinking about the holiday season.

How is your family preparing for Christmas?

On a long ride last week I listed to a Ted Talk given by Tom Chatfield called 7 ways video games engage the brain. He spoke of things that I was already aware of but wasn't using to my advantage and I began to wonder how I can use these concepts as we home school our children and in a larger context as I minister to children and families. In short, Tom challenged my thoughts on rewards as much as reading Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us challenged theme earlier this year.

Drive talks about how rewards lead to wanting bigger rewards and in the long run serves to de-motivate people. It's not that rewards are bad rather they tend to be overused or used in the wrong circumstance and cause people to lose interest over time. For a quick overview watch this YouTube clip.

Pointing to video games, Tom explores why people are motivated to spend hundreds of hours clicking on a plot of land on farmville or the enormous amount of energy and money that is poured into games like World of Warcraft, EverQuest or City of Heroes. Tom's thought, or research, points to the idea of risk vs. reward. More than simple carrot and sticks, people are motivated to do things when there is both reward and a reasonable risk - his talk goes into more specifics.

As a home school family, we are constantly challenging the process of learning. What are the best ways to keep our children engaged and excited about learning? With this talk fresh in my mind, we tried something new yesterday and it worked. Not only were they excited about the class but they wanted us to move this concept into other areas of learning and were excited for the start of today.

Here's what we did:
Each time a task was completed, they were able to pick a slip of paper from a bowl. Some of the slips added time to their reading time or Wii time (huge motivators for them) other slips took time away from these activities. Some slips said "you didn't get anything" and one slip, the grand prize, ended school for the day.

In all, they both loved it. Having listened to the talk I should not have been surprised but the most surprising thing was that my older son was more disappointed by the "you didn't get anything" than the "you lose X minutes".

So now, I wonder how this can be applied in children's ministry.

I gave my son a skateboard today. For many, this is not a milestone but for us, it was something major. About a year and a half ago he started asking for skateboards. At first, it was fingerboards, then it eventually turned to wanting a real board. I'm not opposed to skaters, mind you, but it's not a culture that I am comfortable with and it's not a culture I've ever considered for my son. When we wouldn't get a board last year he jumped into rollerblading - and has really gotten quite good.

After much discussion with my wife we discovered that we didn't have any major concern about him getting hurt or falling under any undue influence, we just weren't skaters. So we bought the board. When we gave it to him, we told him that we weren't comfortable with it...and he was okay with that. I think that this is the first major time that he's decided to pursue a path that he knew we prefer he not pursue. It's a first step for him and a major step for us. It means he's beginning to untie the apron strings, to spread his wings in preparation to fly away. And, although it hurts a bit, I rejoice.

Just as my friend attends his daughters cheerleading practices and competitions even though he would rather be doing something else, I will watch and celebrate as Kevin gets better on his board - I'll even spend time (probably a lot of time) at the skate park.
This is what it is to be a father. Our children grow and find their own path. And we rejoice and give our time and our love. We die to self and in so doing set the example for our sons and daughters to do the same for their children...after all, we have the perfect example in scripture:

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
1 John 4:9-10

Today Cohort K celebrated our life together by closing the two-week intensive learning period at Bethel Seminary by leading communion. This closing chapel has been a tradition that many Cohorts (both CFM and MATL) have been a part of and makes the end of an era that we have both been looking forward to and, in many ways, being saddened by. Our journey has had many ups and downs but all good stories have conflict and this story is certainly part of the Master Story Teller's story...here are my opening words:

When we are little we enjoy hearing stories - in fact, bedtime stories is something I'm looking forward to getting back to - but as we grow, the interest in stories retreats.

Almost 4 years ago we came to Bethel, excited, nervous - even scared. Here we met a man that introduced us to his idea of Meta-Narrative...and God used that to remind us of who we were and more importantly reveal more of who He is...As part of this journey we began to see God in a whole new light - and he even helped us find a book that that added joy to discovering his story. Listen as I read part of Hebrews 1:

"God wrote, 'I love you' - he wrote it in the sky and on the earth and under the sea. He wrote his message everywhere! Because God created everything in his world to reflect him like a mirror - to show us what he is like, to help us know him, to make our heart sing.
The way the kitten chases her tail. The way red poppies grow wild. The way the dolphin swims."

We are a part of this story - you are a part. No one has the exact same role to fill in God's story that you do - and that can send us off track it can make us think that the story is about us. I praise God that as I have traveled through this chapter of my life and this tiny piece of His story that - to use Don Miller's words - that I have had people whispering in my ear reminding me that I am just a tree in a story about a forest and that it would that it would be ignorant to believe any differently. Because the story of the forest is so much better than the story of the tree.

When I came to Bethel I was a shell of who I am now and through these past years and the network of very close friendships that I've formed, God has shown me that he is plotting out a better story for me than I would ever come up with. He's given me courage that I never had, assurance that He is in control, and confidence I can play any role that he has for me - even if that role is one of obscurity.

As you listen to my fellow classmates, my brothers and sisters, share parts of their journey - listen to the story that has been whispered in their ear and think about the story hat God is whispering into your consciousness and begin to realize how much He loves you.

For those looking for pictures, they're on Flickr.

This past week I watched as one of my leaders led a small group devotion time. I was inspired as he waited while his junior counselor led and then, as the time was wrapping up, he stepped in as if on cue. The children listened as he shared; they hung on every word. Then he took a chance, something that I wouldn't suggest our leaders do - he told them, a group of 3-5th grade boys that they could die at any second. Not only could they die, but so could their dog, their parents - anything that they loved could be gone in a second.
As adults we understand our mortality. We know that people die. Children know this too, but rarely do we confront them with this because, well, it scares them. The side effects can be devastating: nightmares, wanting to go home early from camp, not wanting to come back, sleeplessness...
I wondered what the effects would be for these kids and I watched as they were drawn further into the conversation.
This leader was a 9th grader and he was speaking from his heart. His cousin died this week and rather than simply morn, he saw an opportunity to share Christ through his sorrow.
Our devotions this week focused on Gratitude. I listened as he asked the children to name two things that they were thankful God gave them. He then explained that those things could be gone at any second - just like his cousin. But, rather than be mad at God, we should be thankful for the time that we had. Likewise, since we could be taken at any moment, we should constantly thank God for the things that we have and love. God is a faithful father and it is right that we thank him.

This devotion was moving not simply because it was edgy - it was moving because the leader was transparent. The risk of talking about death, even the child's own death, was mitigated by the transparency of the leader. It served to remind me how effective it is to let those around us see and hear what we are thinking. It also reminded me how thankful I am for my own family.

Like many protestant churches our church takes communion on the first Sunday of most months. Also like most churches we let people know that participation is open to all who are Christians, not just members of our church. Typically when I am leading the service I also ask parents to take a moment to talk to their children about what is happening. Those children that are professing believers are able to take part and those who have not yet crossed the faith line are discouraged from partaking.

This used to cause some angst in our youngest - he is not old enough to fully understand what we are doing but, since 3, he has been old enough to understand some things; first and foremost that his older brother is able to partake and for some reason he is not. I doubt that we're in a unique situation.

For parents with younger children, here's some things that we've done that have helped our children better understand the what and why of the communion service:

Talk about it while it is happening

Typically while the elements are being passed people pray or sit reflectively while the elements are being passed. This doesn't mean that you have to be completely quiet. This is a prime opportunity to quietly share with your child what is happening. As parents we often look for teachable moments - this is one that is given to you each month, use it.
Talk about Christ's death, the new covenant, what the bread means, how much God loves them - anything that is age appropriate and communion related. It can even be about how juice gets in the cup. The important thing is to help your child understand that what you are doing means something to you and that you want them to learn about it.

Let them serve

Although your child may not be ready to partake, that doesn't mean that they have to be excluded. We allow our youngest to hold our juice or bread while others are being served. At the end, he collects our families cups. This has given him a connection and has quieted the displeasure of not being able to eat or drink during communion. This month it also allowed him to serve others: he held the juice for a mom of a newborn that needed to be held.

Encourage Questions

When you are talking about it, let them ask questions back. If you're talking in a hushed tone, chances are they will to. While they may not be as quiet as you want them to it's more important that they feel that they can as questions than that they be quiet (and hopefully your faith community agrees). If you don't have answers, don't make it up, use it: after the service talk to the pastor, an usher, or anyone else that may have an answer - even if it something that seems trivial like, "What kind of grape juice?"
Again, it's important to communicate that communion is significant and their interest is important.
Then, on the way home, ask again if they had any questions about what happened.

Talk about it at home

For those questions that would take to much time or that you don't get to finish during the service talk about them over lunch or dinner. If you're church schedules the services regularly then you know that they're coming up - let your children know too. The evening before, or over breakfast, let them know that the service will include communion and let them know your expectations of them. Will they be able to participate, will they be able to hold the elements, will they need to be quiet, can they draw or do they need to sit still during this time: communicate your expectations.

Of course, no matter what you do there is always potential for melt-downs, but these tips have changed how our family approaches communion and it has helped our young children better handle this portion of the service - hope it helps you as well.

During our leadership meetings each week at Camp Agape we're working through Next Generation Leader and looking at ways to strengthen both the camp and the future leaders that work camp. This past week we talked about the idea of Competence - where do you do best?

Our Strengths

We tend to think that our strengths are simply the things that we are good at. However, that's not always the case. Camp Agape's assistant director, John, pointed out that he could clean and organize the office and do it will - but it would drain him. He would hate doing it. For him, cleaning our camp office is something he is good at, but clearly not a strength.
The things that we do tend to fall into four categories:

1. Things we are bad at and hate to do
2. Things we are bad at but like to do
3. Things we are good at and hate to do
4. Things we are good at and like to do

Area 4 is were our strengths lie, an area where you are competent and you gain energy. (While you gain energy from area 2 as well, these things are best kept as hobbies).
Focus on your strengths.

Being Well Rounded as leaders

No one will ever gain energy and be competent in all areas. The idea of a well rounded leader is a myth. Instead we should strive to have a well rounded team. At Camp Agape, we have a director who enjoys working with elementary children and an assistant who enjoys junior high. While both can work with the other children, that is not were we best serve. Likewise we have a coordinator who's gifting is in administration, one who thrives in creativity, and another who is strong in personal development.
Surround yourself with a good team

Authority

Each of the five members of our leadership team have authority over the entirety of camp. They can walk into any area and begin barking orders and making changes. But, there is a difference between what a leader can do and what a leader should do. Chances are if one of our coordinators began making changes to our registration database we'd have some serious confusion.
Good leaders pass on the authority to make decisions, especially in areas where they are less competent. While I could dictate what each weekly devotion should say and look like, I've passed that authority to one of our coordinators. As a result we have devotions that far exceed what I could do on my own. Likewise, I passed on the authority to our assistant director to paint one of our busses. In turn, he passed that on to a member of his team. The result was a bus that was painted for very little money and looks great.
Make fewer decisions.

Value

Andy Stanley put it quite simply: You are the most valuable where you add the most value.
It sounds simple, it's true, but we fight it. Something inside new leaders and even seasoned veterans is a voice that keeps us from delegating things properly. We assume that people hate to do the things that we hate to do.
At camp we have to make a schedule of counselors based on the number of children that we will have at camp. Each week (actually each day), the number of children change. We want the same children with the same counselor as much as possible but each family can sign up for whatever days they like. Some for 3, some for 4 and some for the whole week. To me, assigning these groups is a laborious task - I can do it, but I would rather not. So, during the week leading up to camps start I announced that this task would be passed on to one of our part time workers. I thought everyone would be delighted but one of our coordinators was heart-broken. Of course, I retracted that decision and she happily makes our schedules each week. But, when trying to pass on this skill she found out that the converse is also not true: Just because you enjoy doing something doesn't mean others will. She allowed a fellow coordinator to work on it and after one evening the task was quickly returned.
This is why I can't teach computers to people - I get frustrated because, at times, I expect that others will be good at what I am good at doing.
Only do what only you can do.

This week we ended with a homework assignment: Rewrite your job description as if you were going to be at camp for another few years. In two years, what would you be doing? What are your strengths? What things would we need to make sure you were not doing (your weaknesses) but were delegating to others?

Yesterday was a bittersweet day as I prepared to leave the Bethel Seminary Campus. It was the last time that I would spend weeks together with friends that I have grown to love over the past three years. Their program comes to an end this June, mine continues on for one more fall at Bethel and a few distance classes. While we've gone our separate ways, the learning that we've received from one another will be with us forever.

The Importance of Community

During our last days together we prayed and reflected on the past three years together. Of the 13 of us that gathered, 8 reflected directly on what the community has done for them - the other 5 talked of things that have been learned. Of those 5, the learning discussed was not from the schooling but came from the community.
For these friends, over the past three years, many children were born, jobs were changed, careers were changed, and more than a few medical issues have arisen. I am sure that without the community that was formed some of these issues would have kept some from graduating. Instead they were able to offer prayer and support and see God working in situations that seem hopeless.

Hope

When this journey started some of us were in church situations that seemed hopeless. God has moved some to other venues and resolved issues for others - and, through community, His work has been magnified so that others can se e that there is hope.

Courage

For a few, this is huge. Through class learning, living among your peers, and being streatched we learned to be comfortable with who God made us to be. This has allowed some to find their 'voice' and to trust in their abilities in leadership for their home and their church.

There is so much else that this journey has brought about that it could fill volumes. However I did not set out to write about the past but about the future. Looking back over the past three years it is clear to me that a learning community is vital to growth. It's been said that leaders are learners, with which I will agree. But true learning can only take place with others - learners must be relational in order to grow. So, I believe it makes sense to say true leaders are relational learners.